Premature ejaculation is a common complaint among men; one in five men experience difficulty with uncontrolled or early ejaculation at some point in life. It occurs when a man reaches orgasm and ejaculates too quickly and without control. It happens before he wants it to happen. It may occur before or after beginning foreplay or intercourse. PE is not caused by a disease or physical problem but rather anxiety, stress, depression and other factors that affect mental and emotional health. The job world is no longer fun and it has been creating a new form of anxiety that attacks the physical spirit. Too much computer time keeps one in the head and this causes the senses to shut down and decreasing ones natural feelings. PE can be temporary and occur when a new relationship happens, or can occur in younger men experiencing sex for the first time or can occur in men of all ages after a long period without sex.
Performance anxiety is a major cause; opening your feelings to your partner can be helpful. Some symptoms that can occur if you experience PE are; decreased sexual pleasure because of poor control, feelings of embarrassment and guilt and ejaculation that occurs with little stimulation. PE occurs when the sexual or emotional well being in one or both partners is not aligned. Meaning that there is a lack of self esteem, confidence, where the emotional being is split off from the mental self and where the spiritual self is suppressed. Both partners need to take all factors into consideration when working toward a greater sexual heath. I believe that the innate body is armored because of non expression. What happens is that the energy gets stuck in the pelvis which prevents diffusion to other parts of the body. Underneath armor is anger and we need to recognize this. A lack of communication between partners, hurt feelings or unresolved conflicts can cause PE. What I recommend first is to work on yourself and cultivate the process within and then work with your partner. Here are 5 steps that I recommend to help you:
1) Breathe: This step is the most important. Breath will expand and open the connective tissue, will create more life in the inner body and stimulate the blood flow in the genitals. Breath will melt the connective tissue that hardens and will soften the armor. Breath will charge the body so a discharging of transference is removed. Begin to take deep breaths in and out of your mouth while standing, sitting and lying down. Be sure to connect the stomach breath with the chest breath. This will move the sexual energy around in the body.
2) Kegels: Practice squeezing and expanding. Squeeze the pee ( perineum) muscle in and then let go; doing this 20 to 50 times a day. Working this muscle teaches one to learn containment. This will teach your body how to contain the sexual energy. These will help with sustainment and inner control of the muscles.
3) Masturbation: Practice this alone and sometimes an hour before intercourse. Practicing this alone will help you to understand your feelings and sensations thus gaining more confidence. Practicing the start and stop method to learn how to contain and control the energy stream. Remember this is the energy of love and needs to be honored.
4) Undulation: Stand in front of the mirror and begin to move the pelvic area around and around in an asymmetrical way. Move slow and soft and then faster and with more energy. Lie flat on your back and move the pelvis around asymmetrically and symmetrically. Going in between these movements to open up to the fluidity and stimulate the emotional body and balance the male and female energies.
5) Sound: Use your voice sound to open up the channels between the pelvic and the throat. Start singing your favorite songs. Another way to use sound is to scream. On an inhale from the mouth then exhale with the sound “ha”. When you make this sound on the exhale you can then add the kegel squeeze exercise.
Then you can later integrate all of these exercises together.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork, integrative therapies which involve focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions, thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to eliminate the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff, armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold, allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways, holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting, thus living in a higher self-esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A. www.tantrawisdom.com info@tantrawisdom.com 310-210-1464